


No homo, true homo, whatever

by ButterflyPrincess



Series: The memer and the monkey [1]
Category: League of Legends, League of Legends RPF
Genre: And is a mastermind, Bae Team, Cloud 9, Hai ships Sneaky/Jensen, HaiFuFuu, Jeaky, M/M, also... dick jokes, established Hai/Bunny, great name for this right? Jeaky, i am trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 11:24:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6049869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyPrincess/pseuds/ButterflyPrincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sneaky and Jensen seem very gay for each other and Hai decides to hook them up. </p><p>Featuring Sneaky being a softie, Jensen being anxious, Hai being a shipper and Bunny being rather clueless</p>
            </blockquote>





	No homo, true homo, whatever

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to another C9 fic which was originally intended to be a bit more focused on Sneaky and Jensen but ended up being about Hai and Bunny being the best couple in the world. But it's gay on both sides, so we good. 
> 
> Also, I don't know why but in every fic I write about this team, Sneaky is always obsessed with milk. I have no idea, I'm trash and loves gays. 
> 
> Peace out.

No homo, true homo, whatever

 

 

If there was one phrase that dropped at least every other minute in the C9 gaming house it was probably “No homo”. Nobody knew when it happened, but some day it became more frequent than “same” and this meant it was _very frequent._

 

However, every member used and embraced it in a different way. Hai and Balls mostly kept quiet about it, just rarely using it and especially Hai was usually the one rolling his eyes at it. He found it rather pointless using such a phrase and he pretty much knew exactly who was a “full homo” in the squad, but let's safe that for later.

 

On the other hand, there was Bunny who would annoy the heck out of Hai using it. He would cuddle up from behind whenever he had the chance, whispering tenderly “no homo”. He would also thank him for some great meal he had cooked, talking about how he'd suck his dick for getting it more often. No homo of course. Hai was almost tilted by the fact that he couldn't just punch team mates.

 

Then there were Jensen and Sneaky. And this is where the actual fun began. Because they were using it so often, it overcame every other word. It was like bound to their tongues, implemented in every sentence and the actions when using it were... questionable, to say the least.

 

“JESUS CHRIST, JENSEN! I'M GONNA BITE YOUR DICK OFF FOR THAT NO HOMO”, Sneaky screamed and it was Hai's turn to roll his eyes. He could smell what was going on – Jensen was probably hard carrying a game while Zach fed his ass off in botlane and then Jensen took the only kill the AD Carry would ever be able to get in this game. It was always like this.

 

“What're you doing, honey?” Hai felt a smiling pair of lips on his ear, his heart skipped a beat and he just had to grin. “No “no homo” this time?”, he chuckled.

  
“Sometimes you seem to forget that we're actually dating”, Michael laughed, placing a kiss on Hai's cheek.

 

_Geez, how do I deserve this dork?_

 

“I was just wondering what our so very professional ADC has to yell about.”

  
“Killsteal”, Michael answered bluntly.

 

“I knew it... They're weird at times, don't you think?” Hai looked at Michael who seemed to understand.  
  
“Well... You aren't much different when you're drunk, to be honest. Also, you've played with them way longer than me, why do _you_ seem concerned about it all of a sudden?”

 

Okay, he didn't understand. Would've been too good to be true.

 

“I don't mean the yelling. I mean... the yelling is still odd and I wonder why my ears still work. But no, I mean the excessive... gayness.”  
  


Michael looked confused. “Why would you question gayness in this house? You didn't seem to have a problem with it last night...”

 

“That's out of the question. I just don't believe, they know that they can actually leave out the “no homo” after every other sentence.”

 

The dark haired man rose an eyebrow. “You think, they...? No, not Zach... or maybe yes? I don't know. Do you really think they should be a couple? Seems weird to me.”

 

Hai smirked at this. “I've never ever implied they could ever be as cute and awesome as we are. I just believe... They could be.. something at least. Maybe we should help them a bit.”

 

“Wait.. You wanna hook them up? That's so not going to work.”

 

“You have no word in this. I call, you follow, you know that.” God, he loved being a shotcaller at times. But it was hard to figure out if it was a clutch call or a Dignitas Baron _before_ making the call...

  
“You know, when you don't play, I'm the shotcaller...”

 

Hai grabbed his boyfriend's wrist and dragged him to his room. “You would have to follow me if I still played Jungle.”

 

.

.

.

 

It's a week later and things are still the same. Except one thing: Hai had a plan. It took a week and a lot of desperate sighs from Michael asking him to just not do it and just let them be but where's the fun in that? He's still a little angry when he thinks about said plan, though.  
  
“So, after a week of thinking and not even paying attention to scrims because you were busy shipping our carries... You wanna tell me that you're just going to imitate _How I Met Your Mother_? You don't even have a whip!”

 

“Hm... You're right, maybe I should get one, one day. Would surely be fun, don't you think? But, don't worry, I got the App.” Hai smirked and waved his phone, causing it you make the whip sound.

 

“Can you stop watching _Big Bang Theory_? That show isn't even good!” Michael rolled his eyes. God, he really took this habit from Hai. It's poisonous, spending so much time with him.  
  
The other guy just shrugged. “It has its moments. The whip app was one. ...And I actually liked Raj endlessly naming Marvel characters whose names start with the same letter. That was quite funny actually.”

 

“Why again am I dating you?”

  
“Big dick?”  
  
“Your Asian, that argument is invalid.”

 

.

.

.

“You can't do this...”, sighed Michael for the umpteenth time.

 

“First, you mean 'we', my pet bunny, and yes we can. You know your line?”

 

Another sigh. “Yes, I do... 'Yo, Sneaky, we got fresh milk in the fridge, wanna get some'”, he replied in a monotonous voice. “Why are we bringing them to the kitchen anyway? Shouldn't we use the bedroom? For obvious reasons?”

 

“Well, we could, but why would they go there? You know this house is full of lazy dumb asses. Can you even imagine the dialogue? 'Oh hey, Sneaky, I think you left your giant dick in your room' – 'Oh, 'kay, could you bring it over?'. Same goes for Jensen. The only thing that can get them off their asses is food.”, Hai explained.

 

“Why does dick size play a role in everything when you start talking?”

 

“Maybe I have secret desires because yours is too small?”

 

“Fucking asshole.”

 

.

.

.

 

“Milk?”

 

“Chocolate?”

 

It was almost painful to admit for Michael, but Hai had been proven right: Both Jensen and Sneaky nearly jumped up from their seats, canceled their queues and ran towards the kitchen as soon as they heard the information about their favorite food/drink. Not that he'd ever get why Zach was so crazy about milk and why Nikolaj would murder for any kind of chocolate (except After Eight, because that shit tasted like trash to him).

 

With more than enough force to cause a huge “bang” Hai slammed the kitchen door shut and waited patiently for his team mates to freak out as he took the key to lock it.

 

“Wait, what the fuck? What are you guys doing? Bunny?”, Sneaky asked and knocked on the door furiously. Jensen just looked at him, trying not to panic.

  
“Calm, calm, fam”, Hai sing sang, spinning the key in his hand.

 

“What you mean “calm”?! You trapped us in the fucking kitchen!”, Jensen panicked in a high-pitched voice. Wow, unbelievable how high this guy could go with his voice. Maybe with some training, he could've become a singer instead of a professional League player. But where's the fun in that?

 

“I mean, you stay calm while I explain what we're gonna do here. So... I politely ask you two to talk things a bit through. You know... Feelings, sexual tension and shit. 'Cause you know... It can be a bit challenging to endure all this “no homo” bullshit when we all know it's not true.”  
  
Bunny shook his head slowly. “Wow, I'm with a neurotic devil, what a catch, Donnie, what a catch.”

 

“Oh what a catch~”, Hai 'sang' a phrase of the Fall Out Boy song that Bunny had begun. Good old one. Folie à Deux was their best album anyway.

  
“Wait a second...”, Sneaky raised a finger on the other side of the door. “So, you guys... What? How do I even start? Okay, first: Why are all into Fall Out Boy, is this an insider I wasn't part of? Would be a shame, since I'm part of all insiders in this house.”  
  
“Same”, Jensen muttered, causing Sneaky to let out a small chuckle.

 

“Next thing: Are you telling me you guys are actually fucking? Jesus, I thought you had a girlfriend, Bunny!”

 

“Well... Not anymore as you might figure...”, Michael replied.

 

“Poor grill... And now... WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DO YOU PIECE OF FUKING GARBAGE MEAN BY “FEELINGS” AND “SEXUAL TENSION”?!”, the AD Carry yelled and Jensen shivered a little at it.

  
“I mean that you guys desperately want to fuck and don't admit it because it's easier to hide behind a fucking “no homo” as soon as you get close to each other!”

 

Jensen shivered. Nothing unusual, but it made Zach worry in a way. “You okay, dude?”, he asked, concern all over his face.

 

“Hehe, yeah, I just... don't feel very comfortable in closed up rooms, I suppose? It's a bit... of an issue?” He tried to laugh it off, play it cool. He failed.

 

“Hai, dude... Could we like get out? I mean, nice little idea you had there but I really don't want someone collapsing here.”

 

Hai smirked, Bunny looking at him confused. “Awww, man, I'm never allowed to have some fun”, he whined and opened the door.

 

Jensen looked relieved, leaving the kitchen, surprisingly enough (at least for Bunny), Sneaky's arm around his shoulder. They left the house together, you could hear them mutter something getting coffee somewhere. Hai was still grinning happily.

  
“Okay... Tell me what you did there.” Bunny looked at his boyfriend with a skeptical expression, not quite knowing what do think of what just happened.

 

Hai just smirked, wrapping an arm around Michael's waist. “Did you really think it'd take a week of planning for me to do a bad _How I Met Your Mother_ impression I don't even fully commit to? I'm not NA's top shotcaller for indecisive planning. You should know me better.”

 

“Probably. But what exactly did you do?”  
  


“So... where do I start...? Ah, I know. You have to know one thing first: Sneaky is actually a huge softie. Like... He often hides it behind random yelling and playing everything cool, joking about everything. But he's actually quite shy when it comes to relationships. Since I'm like their mother and have been since we're a team, he approached me some weeks ago that he has an issue with Jensen. That he feels uncomfortable around him and weird and nervous and all.

 

So, we talked it out and came to the conclusion that he's hella gay for Jensen and then he freaked out a bit. You know... Talking shit like 'Ahhh, he won't like me back' or 'The whole team will be crushed by this' and 'What should I do?'. He was a mess, to be honest. And because I'm a good mom, I took care of it.”

 

“Could you stop calling yourself a 'mom'? It's like I'm that weird stepfather that isn't all that welcome, but has to because I'm fucking the mom”, Bunny interrupted and made Hai laugh.

 

“Don't worry, you're a great daddy. I mean... I'm obviously a very independent woman and mother that doesn't need no help, but at least they like you”, he joked.

 

“You can be so mean at times.”

 

“That's my secondary profession after being an awesome guy, boyfriend and shotcaller”, he laughed, placing a quick playful kiss on Bunny's cheek.

 

“So, where did I stop? Ah, right, I'm an amazing mom. Okay, so first, I had to find out hoe Jensen feels about all that. I asked him if he had a girlfriend and he just kinda opened up to me how he used to have one but they broke up when he moved to America and that he doesn't even really care about gender and all that. So – because I'm also and honest mom – I told him that I'm gay and he just smiled asked me about us and I just nodded, and this is how you were accepted as a dad.” Hai took a moment to appreciate Bunny's confused yet flattered look.

 

“Wait... Some weeks ago? We only started dating like three weeks ago?”

 

“That's also how I decided to confess to you, my dear pet bunny. So, nonetheless, that's not the topic. So, in the end he told me that he actually had a thing for a guy currently but hesitated to tell me it was Sneaky. It took one or two drinks, but he told me later. So, I knew I could pull off something. I got you on board and you know what followed. Also, I actually played through 'Life is Strange' during my time of 'planning'.”

 

Bunny looked a bit butt hurt. “Are you telling me you neglected me for a week just to kill off Chloe?!”

 

“As if I'd kill Chloe, please. Chloe and Max belong together, my friend.”  
  


“B-But you even got the whip app!” Hell, The sub support looked like he'd just lost all his faith in mankind.

 

“Yeah, because it's awesome!”, Hai laughed.

 

“Jesus, I don't know if I'm dating an evil mastermind or just a crazy motherfucker...”

 

“That's usually the same. And you love me anyway.”

 

“Of course I do...”, Michael sighed, “Also, how did you know Jensen had claustrophobia?”

 

“He doesn't. He pretended. All part of the plan, my friend, all part of the plan.”


End file.
